based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
