Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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