I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
