I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
