there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
