Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
