Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize