we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
