I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
