I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
