I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
