everyone is single if you try hard enough
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
