Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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