went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
