If i come over, it means nothing
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
As shirtless as possible
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
