FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
