its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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