Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
