I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
