So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
