it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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