I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize