I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
