she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
