Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
