she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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