How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
