1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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