he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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