You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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