My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
