In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
