if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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