clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
