32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
