So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
