I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Randomize