I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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