I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
