if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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