I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Less talking, more tequila
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
