Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
