My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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