You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
