I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
