I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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