Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
