I'm gonna have a badass scar
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
