super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was born a porn star she said
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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