I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I believe in your delicious
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
