My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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