You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
