are you still at the devil's house?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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