Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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