I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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