Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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