He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
