1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
