I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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