the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
