I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
