She said her name was "party"
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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