I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
