I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
