I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize