i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize